Awakening
by CoffeeKat
Summary: -HYxRP- Sequel to Four Years.


Disclaimer:  I don't own anything.  I am poor and owning-thingsless.  Nothing belongs to me, and trust me I am making no money from this.  

Sequel to Four Years.  I don't think you need to read the other one, but maybe you'll want to (if you really want to suffer through the descriptive).  On second thought, there is a random reference to Four Years, but chill it's nothing major.  Please R&R, if so inclined. Oh wow, the title is so bad.  Do I need third continuation?

Awakening 

            Moonlight streamed in through the window, falling on the still form in the bed.  He closed his eyes, then opened them, unable to find elusive slumber.  Keen breezes stirred the sheets and strands of hair.  Sighing he rolled onto his side, staring at the open window framing the night.  Sheets slid to the floor as he slowly drew himself off the bed.  Chill floorboards met bare feet.  A passing breath of frigid air chased shivers up his spine.  Quietly he crossed the space to the window, easily balancing himself on the window sill, leaning his back against the casing.  He closed his eyes, turning to face into the breeze, and heaved a deep sigh.  

            Unreasonably, inexplicably, she was haunting him.  Her voice rang in his ears.  Blue eyes were always teasing him.  Everywhere he looked he half expected to see her, smiling or laughing.  She was always on his mind now, the only thing he could concentrate on.  By day, she was one of his best friends.  At night, she walked his dreamscape.  It was unbelievable that this was the girl who he had tried to kill, to lose, to forget, as long as he had known her.  This was the girl he had ignored, had viewed so dispassionately for six years.  This was the girl he had tried so often to get away from.  

            Yet she had always drawn him back.  Farther he went, the stronger the urge to return.  Now he finally wanted, actually desired, to be close, and she pushed him away.  She had been his friend for six months now, helping him with the rebuilding he had started over a four year solo journey.  Six months and he was practically complete.  Unconsciously he touched his hand to his chest, drifting over the heart that beat there.  She had been mostly responsible for that heart.  Six months of friendship, but she was still wary of him.  Too many times he had broken faith with her, disappearing when she had begun to trust in him.  Shields were up now against him, to protect her from getting hurt another time.  Slowly she had warmed to him until they reached here and now, talking, seeing each other occasionally.  In the past, this friendship would have sufficed, would maybe have been even too close.  Now though, he wanted something different, desired something…closer?  The thought shocked him, but he did not push it away.  

            New emotions had been emerging, forcing them towards the light, towards his attention.  Tonight he faced them, recognized them.  He was falling for her, head over heels.  Crazy, irrational sentiments were exposing themselves, altering everything.  Ironic.  Years ago he had been trying to escape from Relena, and now he knew he loved her, she no longer wanted him.  And now that he had admitted that he…loved her, he had to admit to the jealousy.  Envy had risen in him with every date she had gone on.  Overcome him with every date she told him about.  Anger reared when her heart was broken.    Anguish came with the knowing that he would never be more than a friend, never the man she dreamed of, wished for.

            Sighing, he hopped down from the window, grabbing a jacket, stuffing his feet into shoes and promising himself that this was the last time.

            A half-hour found him furtively sneaking over the edge of a third floor balcony.  Scanning swiftly he tested the lock on the French doors.  Open.  For a passing moment he relapsed into his old self, frowning at the lax security.  Another moment and he had slid into the room like smoke.

            Silent feet padded across the floor; blue eyes peered into the shadowy recesses of the room.  All was still.  Nervousness crawled up his spine, tempting him to flee, to disappear.  Hesitantly he crept up to the edge of the bed, reaching out a hand to move the gauzy curtain aside.

            And his breath caught in his throat.  Stretched full length on the bed, she was fast asleep.  One hand was curled beneath her pillow, the other lying limp on the coverlet.  Moonlight washed out her blonde hair, leaving it a pale shining mass upon the pillow.  Lips curled into a slight smile, her face radiated the unconscious bliss of sleep.  Drawing a deep breath he extended a hand to touch her cheek, electricity jolting him as skin touched skin.

            In a moment he was gone, disappearing with a rustle of curtain through the doors and dropping over the edge of the balcony.

********

            She tapped the pencil against her ponderous wooden desk, frowning at the complete lack of work.  No papers, no meetings; there was absolutely no reason why she should be here today.  Especially since outside was a perfect summer day, sunny and cloudless with a breeze to keep the heat from being oppressive.  Inside her office it was stuffy and cold, smelling of recycled air.  She closed her eyes and leaned back in her chair, groaning internally at the unfairness of life, hers in particular.

            Then she smiled wickedly, glancing at the open window.  Sidling over she threw it open, thrusting her upper body out into the fresh air.  Taking a deep breath she glanced down.  Only one story, and there was a tree right outside her window.  Moving cautiously she lifted first one leg, then another over the sill until she was sitting and gripping the window frames.

            Momentary fear and lightheadedness claimed her, forcing her to lean back into the safety of her familiar office.  Outside an exciting, possibly dangerous, adventure.  Inside the safety and comfort of routine.  Duty pushed forward, reminding her that she was vice foreign minister not some silly young woman.  She had serious responsibilities and people were counting on her being where they could reach her.  This wasn't just a pastime she could blow off whenever she wanted.  This was important and momentous work that required all her effort, dedication, and attention.

            And that was exactly why she climbed out onto the frail tree branch.  They could yell at her all they wanted over irresponsibility and indifference.  They would remind her that this was a delicate time and she could not jeopardize everyone's work by sneaking off like an unruly child.  And she would feel remorse for her selfish actions and return to work diligently tomorrow.  But for now, for one single day she wanted to forget that the world lay on her shoulders; one day of recklessness, untroubled bliss and she would be satisfied to return to the weighty routine.

            Edging down the tree, grasping tightly to the bark she reached the ground and ran for the parking lot.  Ducking beneath cars and sneaking between the rows she finally reached her black convertible.  Inside she began to laugh.  Slinking around like a secret agent had been fun and unbelievably juvenile.  She loved it.  Quick stop at home, a change of clothes and she would be on her way.

            Heero had been staring at the computer screen for hours.  Try as he might he could not get any work done.  His mind would not focus on the reports as they piled up on his desk.  One face kept drifting before his eyes, unsettling him every time.  Rubbing his eyes for the hundredth time, he leaned back into the chair, face woeful.  

            Suddenly the phone rang, jerking him out of his morose reverie.

            "Yuy.  I see.  No sign of forced entry?  Yes.  I'm on it," he said brusquely, clicking the phone down into the cradle smartly.  Grabbing his jacket and car keys he gladly leaped from his desk and stalked out of the Preventer building.

            The park was practically empty and so quiet.  It was peaceful here, relaxing even.  Relena sat down beneath a tree, removing a book from her purse and finding her place.  How long had it been since she'd been able to read like this, sit like this?  Sunlight and shade fell across her, alternating, weaving over her lap, her book her hair.

            Twenty one, but she was living like she was forty.  There was never any time to go out.  No time to have fun.  No time to make friends.  Twenty one and she had no friends.  She had no family. 

 Milliardo didn't count.  He was distant and reserved, seeing her occasionally and treating her with polite respect.  Mostly his world revolved around work and Noin, no time for the little sister he never knew, except for a cautionary care.  They had never really spoken.  Only once when he had told her about their family, and given her the picture that was all that remained.  

After the war she had lost touch with everyone.  The pilots she had thought she'd known had all gone to lead their own lives. Dorothy had disappeared entirely, but she had never really been a friend in the first place. Occasionally she came across Quatre as political and social spheres collided.  Hilde she had met that once on Libra.  There was not even a basis for friendship there, as was the case with Wufei and Trowa also.  Duo she knew remotely and had had more contact with in the past few months.  Then there was the reason she had begun to know Duo better.  

Heero.  After four years of pain and anger and loneliness he had come back, dredging up every emotion she had thought obliterated.  She had avoided him for awhile after he came to her room.  He had come back asking for everything she had wanted, offering her everything she had needed.  Only now she wasn't sure she could help him.  What he needed now, what he wanted, was beyond her.  Maybe once…but not now.  But she had given in, as she always did.  She yielded to him, accepting him as a friend, working to revive the humanity within.  

And she won.  He was different now.  Emotion was almost normal, still a little scary, but not dangerous.  He was expressive in feature and movement.  Especially his eyes, blue deeps so innately suited for soulful articulation, now used to their full potential.  Those eyes…she couldn't hide from them, couldn't lie to them.  Everything he didn't say was written there; a language only she could read.  Still silent and strong, words were never wasted with him.  His speech was concise, giving pertinent information without an excess of words.  He kept himself close still, distant and cold to the world.  She knew that the warmth she received was an aberration, a small gift.  But it still wasn't right.  Like the slight warmth felt sitting in the shade when you know there is radiant heat in the open sunlight.

There were things he'd never tell her, secrets he couldn't bring himself to reveal.  Then there were the memories, so painful for him to bear.  Ever present, they haunted him still, though life was so different now.  They lay there, ugly scars on the soul; it was a sickness that didn't heal correctly, waiting beneath the surface, poisoning.  She could remember those nights that she'd try to get him to share the burden; he'd stalk off into the shadows, refusing to recollect what he had buried.  Only another pilot could ever understand the deep darkness there, and she felt that none were hurt to the same magnitude.

None were hurt so deeply; none could hurt so deeply.  Even now she felt the ache returning, the dull pain in her chest that warned of melancholy.  The ache the underscored the trivial dates, reminding her every moment that it was the wrong man.  Seeing him brought a sharp short stab of breathless agony, tears that would approach unbidden when he turned cold and unfamiliar.  Too often these days he would regress into himself.   Introspection took over and he became fixed and impassive.

But she still came back to him, despite the coldness and the disinterest.  The only man ever to keep her interested, even though he seemed so heartless at times.  She knew it was there, deep inside, that desire to live like a real person.  It must be there.  Why else had he come back after spending four years away?  Why else would he request the help, forcing himself to repress the stubborn independence?  Something lived inside the shell and she had awakened it.

Until recently.  She didn't know why, but he was slipping.  He stopped returning calls.  Began speaking in a monotone again.  Sentences were crisp and short.  Gestures abrupt and powerful.  He was regressing.  The fragile structure she and Duo had built was beginning to slowly crumble.  The old soldier was rebuilding on a foundation they had never really been able to destroy.  But why?  What had happened so suddenly to contrive such a change?  Was it something she had done?

Tears rose again, and this time refused to recede.  They glistened at the corners of her eyes and dropped onto the pages of her book.  Unconsciously she rubbed the soft skin on her wrists. 

"Who?"

She jerked her head up at the sound of his voice, so soft yet so charged.

"Heero."

"It's time to go back.  They've been worried," he said flatly.  She looked down at the book again her mind in turmoil.

"No."  She said it quietly, barely above a whisper.  

"Relena?"

"I said No.  I'm not going back now.  I want to finish my day," she replied clearly, lifting her head to look him in the eye.

"My mission was-"

"Your mission?  Your MISSION?  I thought I was a friend Heero.  Please, inform me.  When did I get relegated back to the 'to do' list?" she challenged, glaring at him angrily.  

"Relena…"he whispered hoarsely, shocked by her vehement anger.

"Don't start with me Heero Yuy.  I'm in no mood.  Today was my day OFF.  I was going to enjoy myself.  Not that you would know about enjoyment, because you certainly don't seem to have any," she hissed, throwing her book to the ground and preparing to storm away.  

He couldn't reply, couldn't move.  He was shocked.  If she had cared to look, she would have seen the mask was dropped and his face was contorted between surprise and pain.  His mind reeled, shamed that this girl he had called friend would lash out at him so violently.  The cause was a mystery.  He had done nothing to hurt her.

"Oh really?  Nothing?" she asked sarcastically.  

How?  Had she read his mind?  How could she know?  And if she knew that, what else had she seen.  Immediately he locked down the walls around his heart, around his inner thoughts.

"Weakness, Yuy, weakness.  It's written on your face, clear as day.  There was a time you'd never have let that happen.  What's wrong? Slipping?" she snarled.

"It is no longer a loss of control.  You told me it was an improvement."

"Really?  Is that so?  Then why the current attempt to rediscover the Perfect Soldier?"

That brought his head around, finding himself staring straight into enraged blue eyes.  Anger filled his own heart, destroyed the careful protection he'd set around himself.  Could she really think he would try to become that demonic machine again?  Did she truly believe that was what was affecting him like this?

He couldn't maintain the eye contact.  Turning away he walked a step and slumped heavily against the tree, his back to her.  Thoughts ran in a thousand different directions, one coherent theme coming into focus.  She thinks I'm trying to go back, and it's hurting her.  His shoulders sagged and fell, knees buckled, crumpling him into a sorry heap at the base of the tree.

Her tirade snapped before it could begin.  Shame and self-hatred rose at everything she'd said to him.  One look at the forlorn ghost beneath the tree banished all her unkind thoughts.  Angry words died on her lips, left unsaid.  In one motion she was beside him, staring tearfully at painfully clenched eyes.  His face was grievous and dejected.  Her heart broke, knowing she had caused it all, not knowing how deeply it ran.  

"Heero, Heero.  I'm sorry," she sobbed, holding his face in her hands.

"Do you really think I would return to…that state?" he whispered, eyes still closed.

"I'm sorry.  It was no way to treat a friend.  I didn't mean to hurt you.  It was just…I was so angry.  You seemed like you were closing me out.  You've been so cold lately.  So distant," she said quietly, refusing to look at his face again.  Opening his eyes he admired her profile, so close but so far from him.  Knifelike pain lanced through his chest as he gazed at her, knowing what he needed but could never have.

"I didn't mean to shut down."

"Hmm?" she asked, chancing a look.  

"I am still working through some…issues," he finished lamely.

"I was always willing to listen," she replied, slightly hurt.  He sighed and leaned deeper into the tree.

"It was something I needed to do on my own."  They sat in silence now, alone with their private thoughts.  No matter how he fought it, his thoughts would turn to the woman beside him, grinding the pain in till it was an endless agony to be close to her.  She looked over at him, uncertain and curious.  That night he had returned…she hadn't wanted to hear it then…

"Heero," she said softly, drawing his attention from the grass, "remember when you said it was better that you went away without saying goodbye…" she looked down at him.  Instinctively he knew what she was asking, knew she didn't want to hear the answer.

"I did.  I tried.  Just once, right after the Eve Wars.  I…there was no where for me to go then.  I didn't fit anymore.  I promised you I would protect you.  It was protecting you from myself, the machine I had become…so I…but I couldn't.  I was too scared…and…" he trailed off, eyes dropping to his hand as it tugged nervously at the grass.

"And what?" she asked urgently, cupping his face with both hands and forcing him to look her in the eye.

"I…I knew…knew that…"

"That what Heero?" she cried, begging him for a truthful answer, pleading for something she could hold onto. 

"That I would…would…miss you," he whispered, barely able to drag the words out of his mouth.  Her hands still rested on his face, comforting him with their soft touch.  He tore his eyes away from hers, content to look upon the smooth white hands with the soft pink palms.  His gaze wandered over the blue veins just below the surface and the thin, shiny white scars on her wrists, moving over the…WAIT!  His mind did a double take, refocusing on the wrists.

She realized too late what he had seen, could not snatch the hands away from him.  He sat up straight and dragged the hands around into the sunshine, pulling her with them.  Gently he ran a finger over the translucent scars, studying them carefully.  

"When, Relena?" he demanded, glaring at her.  His manner suddenly turned cold and gruff.  She shrank away, trying to retrieve her wrists.

"About a year or so ago," she replied quietly, not daring to look him in the face.

"Why?" he growled, helpless anger twisting through his voice.  She didn't answer him.

"Tell me."

"Can't you see, or are you still so blind?" she answered wearily, relaxing her hands, though he would not release them. 

"No…oh no…Relena…" he whispered, shame and sadness emanating from his entire body.

"No one knew but Noin, and she helped get me fixed up.  It wasn't a big deal."

"Not a big deal?"

"Just a momentary desire for escape.  Haven't had any since," she replied truthfully, begging him to see.  They gazed at each other for a long minute, not needing any words.

"Except for now.  You're crushing my wrists," she said with a smile.  He released his hold then, blushing slightly.  Then a quick half smile, though the sadness wasn't gone from his eyes.  Another moment passed before he realized she was sitting in his lap and he blushed furiously.

"Well, it's time to go back.  Come on Relena," he said brusquely, but could not stand up or look authoritative as she was still ensconced upon his legs.

"I told you already, I'm not going back.  This is my day off Heero Yuy, and I'm going to have fun.  You want to end it?  You'll have to catch me first," she called and was up and off, sprinting away.

Ten minutes later and he still had not caught her.  Every time he tried to sneak up on her she would flit away to a new location.  She always knew where he was.  It was uncanny.  After yet another fruitless pounce he ran his hands through his tangled hair and sighed.  Trying to combat her when she was being playful was almost impossible.

Time to think like Relena.  She didn't work out, or play sports, or do anything that required physical endurance.  Not that she needed to.  She was beautiful, with such a slim little waist and long lean legs- NO! It was not time to get distracted.  If he let her get to him like this then she would win.  Back to assessment.  After all this running she would be tired, and he should easily be able to overtake her.  Noting her last position he set off on the hunt again.

She sat quietly, back against the rock, heart racing.   No way should she be running like this.  Exercise required endurance, working up to something like this.  Note to self to begin running and training after this.  In another contest she might not be so lucky and she could not constantly depend on her infallible sense of Heero-positioning.  

Thinking about him made her breath catch in her throat.  She forced the blush down, trying to control her quickened heartbeat.  No, no, no!  If she couldn't keep control than she would lose and end up back at work.  Then the thought came to her.  Who was she really losing to?  It was worth it to have him chasing her for once.  Maybe, she could let him win, let him catch her just this once.  Belatedly she felt the slight prickle on her spine and shivers on her neck.  

"Damn it!" and she leapt up and sped off.  It was not quick enough though.  He had been so close when she took off, and he could run so much faster than her.  A matter of moments and he was just behind her, within arms reach.  Attempts to put on speed were useless. 

Her foot caught in the ground.

Off balance, she felt herself begin the fall.

He swept up behind and slid an arm around her waist.  

They fell together. 

He came down hard on the ground, Relena on top of him.  Pain raced up his back and he rolled over, still holding her by the waist.  His mind refused to focus on the situation at hand, overcome by the fuzzy feeling that enveloped him.  Cold clarity was pushed out of his head by the feel of warm skin beneath his palm.  

She gasped and stiffened preparing herself for the fall as her toe caught.  Then suddenly, there was an arm around her, someone beside her.  Damn it, she knew he'd catch her.  And they were still falling.  Desperately she tried to move her hands to break her fall.  No luck.  Preparing for impact.  And she fell not on hard ground but on a hard chest, softer however than the dirt below.  She only had a moment to think about this before they had rolled over, and her back was flat against the grass, a weight settled on top of her.  

He pushed himself up, still leaning over her, one hand on her waist, the other on her wrist.  Slowly he leaned over till his lips were beside her ear.

"Gotcha," he whispered.  For a moment they sat there, faces inches apart, not daring to move, not daring to breath.  Then he was up, crouching on his heels feet away, though he had barely moved, the impassive, blank look back on his face.  She sat up, strangely frustrated.  Another moment was wasted staring at each other.

And she was off, dashing away as quick as she could.  He followed, shaking his head at her stubbornness.  A few more seconds and she had to stop.  She ducked behind a tree to grab a second's rest, knowing he would be right behind her.  One breath more and she sprinted away, only to feel hands on her waist and shoulders, stopping her, drawing her in and flipping her around.  Face to face.  In one smooth motion he swept her off her feet.

He held her tightly, hardly daring to breathe.  He hadn't even known he was doing it, didn't know why it happened.  His mind was racing, refusing to take responsibility for everything he'd just done.  But he knew it was right.  He knew with heart and soul that this was how things should be.  Carrying her gingerly, he made his way back to the tree.  Internally he tried to sort out the emotions that had begun to scream for attention.  Fear that was always oddly present when with her.  Sadness, stemming from the obvious dead end.  Love, which he was finally able to accept.  And, excitement?  Nervousness? 

He knew that this could be the last chance for an intimate touch.  In his heart he felt the impending backlash.  Friendship was undoubtedly lost now.  He had overstepped the boundaries now.  That fragile wall she tried to keep, the small protection against him had been breached.  Friends was what they'd said.  No more broken hearts or hopeless dreams.  They would be friends, just friends.  He wouldn't hurt her anymore; she wouldn't love anymore.  No dangers, no agony.  She would be happy, protected from the suffering he brought to everyone he touched.  She could meet someone who deserved her, who could care for her, who could truly shield her from all the anguish in the world.  Never would he be able to take that responsibility.  There was too much flawed in his person.  A shield with weaknesses, no use in her protection.

But beyond all this he wanted, more than anything else, to be with her.  Wanted the quiet ease that crept into life.  Wanted the calm, safe security he felt in her presence.  Wanted the shadowless happiness that came to him.  And he knew instinctively that what he did next would bury their friendship, destroy her delicate bliss, and drive him out into the cold fields of the hated.

But he didn't care anymore.  All or nothing, there was no way he would settle for luke-warm feelings and platonic existence.  So he set her down on her feet, moving his hands onto her upper arms, refusing to let her go.  It was his last chance, the last time to touch, to be this close.  He leaned in, catching and holding her eyes.  No fear there, but a little wonder, a little apprehension, and a little…anticipation? Excitement?  Moving one hand he cupped her cheek, stroking the bone softly with his thumb, running it down slowly along her jaw until it was just below her chin.  Tilting her chin up he leaned in.  Her eyes closed.

Slowly his lips closed on hers, starting a sweet soft kiss that swiftly escalated, becoming urgent and passionate.  His hand slipped down from her shoulder to her waist, the other finding the long blonde ponytail, curling in the soft tresses.  She slipped her arms around his neck, pulling herself closer to him, her heart screaming in exultation.  Finally.  The revelation she had been waiting for, dreaming of since forever.  They stood there, locked in the moment.  Sadly, slowly he pulled away, searching her eyes for an answer to unasked questions.  Friendship was undoubtedly buried now, a state they could never return to.  Untested ground lay before them to be explored together.  He smiled softly, catching her cheek again with his hand.

"Relena, it's time to stop running."


End file.
